New Direction

In most part of my life, math has been the sole purpose of my life. Regrettably and quite belatedly, I have come to the realization that that purpose of mine is not achievable, mainly due to the lack of a talent. An unachievable purpose is like chasing a ghost. After all, I have been chasing a ghost in my whole life. I need a new purpose of life that is achievable for the short remainder of my life. Without a good purpose, life is not worth living.

This year, I am going to wrap up some of my unfinished research projects that can be completed. Afterwards, I will be ceasing my futile and fruitless attempts on fundamental research in math and physics. Instead, I will be concentrating on computational and mathematical modeling in finance and biomedical science (especially cancer research). I want to make money and help save people from cancer (I myself is a cancer survivor, at least for now) using math. I think that’s good enough purpose for me.

Update: Since I wrote this, my cancer relapsed, not once but twice! While battling my cancer, doing math and physics was the only thing that kept me going without me worried about cancer. I have never stopped studying math and physics. That got me to think. It’s okay if I do not achieve something meaningful or significant from doing math and physics. That shouldn’t be a goal anyway for a serious mathematician. What’s important is that you continue to do what you love the most. For me it is studying math and physics. So, for whatever time I have left, that’s what I am going to do. Continue to study math and physics until the end. If I can learn and see something incredible along the way, that’s all good for me and I won’t have regrets.